Friday, 28 October 2016

My journey so far.

My friends have known since the start. My cat sits with me when I do it. My brother found out and told my sister. And I can officially say, my entire family now know about it.

I still feel sick, to think that my own flesh and blood (all 2000000 million of them it seems) read my blog and watch my youtube videos.

I feel as though my blog and channel are one. If I tell you about my blog then you'll immediately know about the videos I've made and the embarrassment I've caused myself in the past. At the start of my creator journey was a youtube channel that I shared with a friend, back in 2013. I pretty much straight away set up, what I called, a blog and realised how much I loved writing too. I would plan and plan but never actually write a post. I started off reviewing things and over the space of a month, got more into the jist of writing and posting, comfortably knowing no one would actually read it. I changed the page's background colour from blue to bright pink and thought it looked alright. FYI it wasn't. My confidence grew and my friends would ask and I would tell, but never revealing the url or blog name.

My friends weren't the most supportive bunch. The one I would film with was the only girl I could really talk to about this kind of thing as she herself did it also. Everyone else would giggle in pity of my stupidity and rolled their eyes at the idea that I'd ever make anything from it. Tbh, I felt pretty neutral with their disbelief, as it was never a case of constant negativity or rudeness, but more the fact that I didn't have to talk about it as they didn't care (I prefered this than if they genuinely took the mick everyday if that makes sense!).

A few years went past (2 exactly) with no one taking any notice to me. Only a handful of people knew about my channel and I didn't experience any form of bullying or laughing at me from people at school, mainly because it wasn't made a big deal out of by anyone who did know. When I started in 6th form, my blog had gotten to the point of being my baby and I started receiving samples from companies once in a blue moon. This was the start of my challenge...persuading my mum that I'd won things in online competitions so she wouldn't be suspicious. She totally was.

It has only been in the past year or so that I took my work, as such, seriously. Signing up to blogger websites and being invited to events such as the Joe Browns one this time last year or the Summer hangout a few months ago, has helped me realise that I am completely in love with what I do. I have online friends and online turned real life friends. But when actual real life people turn into friends because they share a love for, or interest in what you do, is such a joy. I started my new job last month and one lunchtime I read my emails to myself quietly, thinking no one was really paying attention to anything but their food, I think I whispered the words 'you're invited to...blah blah blog/blogger blah blah' (or however the email was worded) to which one of the girls turned round and started a long conversation about how she's always wanted to blog and it's really cool etc. That kind of conversation makes me happy. She was genuinely interested in what I do. Ah.

We'll skip to the family next. Sigh.

I have a large family on both sides. My mum is a 7th child of a 7th child (a witch but we'll skim over that for now). My dads family are just large in general, with uncle upon uncle and cousin upon cousin. There's alot of us. My mum was told in stages. 'I have a blog for my photography' was the first semi-lie. Next I'd say 'oh I think I'll start reviewing things...' (3 years late but she'll never know). To eventually showing her the page and sharing in my joy when I was first offered a sponsored post.

My first sponsored post was a big deal. I'd just hit 10k views, was slowly gaining a following on twitter and instagram and my youtube videos were going down well. I decided to set up a facebook page. This still haunts me. I set it up, with no intention to have any family members see it. I invited my friends who knew I blogged and posted my latest video and blog post on there for all to see. I then got a notification to say my mum had liked it annnnd the dread set in. She'd seen the front page and vaguely knew I did youtube (as my sister has constantly joked about it since finding out herself) but had never been onto the blog herself, seen a video, and didn't know the same of the blog/url. Until now. My sister has been a big part in getting my blog out there for all to know of. Without my permission or happiness in mind. Everytime I touched my camera I'd get the usual 'hey guys so in todays video I'll be...' joke. My brother was the main culprit. One night I tried to connect my old laptop to the TV to watch The first series of The Walking Dead as my family decided to start from series 5 and I was determined to make them watch the rest. My laptop's background was my original blog theme's logo, title and url. It had literally been on the TV screen for half a second before I realised everyone would see it and managed to pull up my documents folder before they noticed. Or so I thought. From this day my brother made hints that he knew. He's ask me if I did YT and of course I'd say no and that was that. Until he told my sister. She knew and would make threats to start playing my videos in front of my mum or dad etc if I annoyed her. Safe to say this was how my mum knew about the youtube. Ah family, don't you just love them.

Mum has sworn that she hasn't read anything on the Facebook page.  Yeah right.

This was it for a while. Dad found out in August at Center parcs when I filmed and photographed everything. A few of my closest cousins when I would slyly promote it on snapchat or mention a blog event on instagram. No one said anything or ever brought it up. Until a few weekends ago when my brother and sister came home from my dads house for the weekend and had been to my 3rd cousin's (dad's cousin's son) birthday party. All was swell until my sister muttered along the lines of 'blah blah blah *insert name here* said... and *insert name here* said to ask you to put it on your blog.' Somehow the most random of family members knew about my blog/and or channel, and informed other less-blog-aware members of said blog. Someone had spilled the beans. The bit I find interesting is how my blog, channel or the hobby as a whole is remotely of any interest to any of my family. Sure a few might like the idea of blogging themselves and want to know more, but I was completely unaware of this whole blog-promotion that was happening throughout my family like a game of chinese whispers. Anyway, the end result of this was a recent post, that talks about my cousin's band and their recent work, something I'm more than happy to help with through this space of the web.

I haven't fully come out to everyone yet. Facebook in general has a few hundred people that I either went to school with or used to work with, that I'm not fully comfortable with knowing just yet. I feel like the day I share a post or a video on my wall (not my facebook blog page) will be the day I can relax. Until then I'll just keep writing...

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